the art of doing nothing

I believe that is a book title. Or something. It is also something that I, in fact, have perfected. I feel like I don't do ANYTHING. It's been a rough summer for us. I've been super sick with this pregnancy, up until pretty recently. And the weather has been TERRIBLE. Seriously, it's been the summer from hell. Meaning, we stole the weather from there. So so hot. We've set national records. Ridiculous! So the sickness and heat has turned me into a homebody and I hate it. I miss having energy and feeling well enough to do things! I gained a TON (literally, a ton.) of weight when I was pregnant with Jaylee, despite my healthy eating habits and that is something that I wanted to try to avoid with this pregnancy.

I've always had a serious complex about my weight. I've always felt like I was fat. Even during my skinny times. Which really, I was skinny. And I can see that now looking back at pictures, but at the time all I saw was fat. Growing up in a family of beanpoles played a major role in this, I'm sure. I was the only one with any sort of chub to me our whole childhood. Only once my sisters reached college age (maybe a little younger) did they start getting any sort of curves. But I was a little chub chub kid. I was adorable, don't get me wrong. But my self confidence was definitely affected by that. Anyway. Long story short. I really didn't want to gain so much weight this time around. It's really hard for me to get big. So much that I get really depressed. Really. We eat fruit, veggies, meat and grains 95% of the time. Of course we have our bad days and junky times, but we eat super healthy. No carbs, no processed foods. All WHOLE foods. But with how sick I've been, I've just had to eat whatever I could manage to get down and not be picky. Which has been a lot of crap compared to what I usually eat. So, everything together, I've gained a lot already.

I'm halfway done next week! So exciting! I'm going to try really hard from here until the end to DO things. The weather is finally getting nice so we'll be going on walks. A lot. And I'm gonna try and pick Zumba back up a little bit. The Wii game (which is what I have) is definitely not as hard as the Dvds or classes. So I think it'll be good for me. I love dancing, so it's a really fun way for me to work out! I'm trying really hard to channel all of the emotions and energy I have about getting big into something positive, instead of getting more depressed. It's hard, but I'm trying hard. Wish me luck.